More waiting

I had more blood work done today, so now I'm just waiting for the call tomorrow morning with the results. When I went there today, my nurse asked me how I was feeling. I cautiously said I think I'm feeling better, but it's so hard to tell. That's one of the things that is so frustrating about all these pregnancies and losses: they make me feel like I just can't trust my body. I can't tell what symptoms mean what anymore. Just when I think I'm feeling better, I find out my levels still aren't dropping. Or then I start cramping and bleeding again and wonder when my body will just feel normal again. I passed a lot of tissue yesterday, so I'm really hoping to be near the end now. We're going to California in a week to visit my brother and his family and I really don't want to be dealing with this anymore there.

When I went back for my second round of Methotrexate injections last week, the nurse there seemed really shocked to see me again. She said they never get anyone back for a second time for that. Gee, don't I feel special? Now I've had two ectopics and two rounds of Methotrexate with each. Even my nurse today said I must be some sort of record for ectopics. It's like the longest non-pregnancy that just won't give up. But thinking good thoughts for tomorrow and hoping I can finally start moving on...