Exhausted

Just feeling exhausted today. This loss dragging out endlessly is really wearing on me. I'm really trying to act positive and like it's not bothering me. But it is. A lot. I thought the bleeding was ending and we could just move on, but nope. It's back again and I'm just feeling drained. I thought this loss would be no big deal and we'd just skip past it. No such luck. Still not as bad as my other losses. Still more distractions now and more happiness in general in my life now. I'm not a weeping puddle on the floor this time. But just trying to do some cleaning around the house this afternoon left me out of breath and achy again. So here I am lying with a heating pad again. Gee, what a fun wife and mommy I am lately. Luckily, my mom insisted on taking Payton for the afternoon so I could rest. Shannon has been sweet, but just doesn't get it as a man. No offense to men, but every time I've had a pregnancy loss, Shannon has also had something wrong with him (an earache, a sprained ankle, etc) and he gets tired of me not feeling well and not taking care of him....

This loss, like all the others, is isolating for me again. I've been to work and home and the doctor, but really haven't had any social interaction. I know I tend to isolate myself. I hesitate to go to our regular playgroup and it's not like I'm going to post all this on Facebook. But somehow I thought it might be different this time. Like my few friends I did tell would jump up and help me somehow. But it's the same old thing again. It makes everyone uncomfortable so no one really says or does anything.

I go back to the doctor tomorrow for more blood work to see if my HCG level has gone down. So we'll see if I can finally start to move on and feel like myself again...