Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Growing up
Sweet Pea had her 15 month check-up with the pediatrician today. Since she was born 3 months early, she's officially one-year-old according to her adjusted age. This means it's time to stop giving her formula and stop the bottles. I knew this was coming. We've been using a sippy cup for quite a while and I've tried her formula in a cup a few times and she's done great with it. I've been talking about it and preparing for it. But when the doctor said to get rid of the bottles, I suddenly felt protective of my little baby. Shannon and I talked about it and we'll just finish up the can of formula we already have open, mixing in whole milk too to help her transition. We'll keep using the bottles as long as we're still using formula, then switch over completely to the cup. I know it's time. I know she's ready. I know she'll do fine. But it's also sad to see our sweet little baby growing up so quickly...
Thursday, September 22, 2011
First steps!
Sweet Pea took her first little steps tonight! She's been getting so close, just never trusting herself to actually do it. This evening she kept practicing standing on her own, both on accident and on purpose a few times. Usually when we are helping her walk or stand and try to let go of her hands, she just sits right down and refuses to do it on her own. But tonight right before bedtime, Shannon helped her walk over to me on the couch and let go and she walked a couple of steps purposefully on her own! She repeated it a few times, then was so exhausted she wouldn't try it anymore. I'd hardly call her a walker yet, but we're well on our way. So proud of our tiny little Sweet Pea!!
Dreams
The other night I had a dream again that I was pregnant. I had gotten up in the middle of the night feeling nauseous and went to sleep on the couch, then had this dream. It was one of those completely vivid, realistic feeling dreams where when I woke up, I really had to think if it were real or not. In the dream, something made me think I was pregnant, so I scrounged up a cheap dollar store pregnancy test I'd stashed away and it turned positive right away. I went to the doctor and he did an ultrasound and told me I was already 12 weeks along. I remember vividly seeing the baby girl like the sonogram was really a video camera and we could see her so clearly.
I've had dreams like this before. Where I suddenly find out I'm pregnant and already several weeks into it. Honestly, this would be my ideal pregnancy if I were ever to get pregnant again. Those first few weeks are so filled with stress and worry. I'd love to skip all that and be well into it before I knew. But I know with all my history and complications, that probably would never happen. Chances are, a pregnancy for me would not last without intervention. I would at least need an increase in my thyroid medication (it's my deep-down belief that my elevated thyroid levels at the early stages of the pregnancies fully or partly caused the miscarriages).
I don't know if I'll ever even want to try to get pregnant again. Right now, that feels like a million miles away. I'm so glad not to be in the middle of all that anymore, to feel in control and like I can trust my body again right now. When Shannon and I have discussed expanding our family, he's said he doesn't want to foster/adopt any more babies. He said if we're going to have a baby, it's going to be biological. I can't believe he would ever want to go back there again. Either he didn't think it was that bad or maybe I never let on to how bad it was for me... It feels like that time had a huge black cloud over it and I couldn't even think straight, but now it's lifted.
I had dinner with a good friend recently and she said she pictures us having a biological child one day. That surprised me. I don't know where I'll be with it in the future, but I know it would still be awhile before I could revisit that. Really, my ideal would be for Sweet Pea's bio mom to have another baby and we could adopt it. (Yes, I know how awful that sounds to wish for her to have another child taken away. That's hardly my dream, but it is realistic. Sweet Pea was already the fifth child taken away and rights terminated on. And I would love for her to have a biological sibling too.) Shannon had said he didn't like the idea of that, but when our new adoption case manager from our agency was out recently, he asked her many questions about what would happen if bio mom did have another baby-- would we be contacted? what if we were inactive/not licensed at the time? So we'll see what the future holds.
I just can't imagine Sweet Pea being the only baby we ever have...
I've had dreams like this before. Where I suddenly find out I'm pregnant and already several weeks into it. Honestly, this would be my ideal pregnancy if I were ever to get pregnant again. Those first few weeks are so filled with stress and worry. I'd love to skip all that and be well into it before I knew. But I know with all my history and complications, that probably would never happen. Chances are, a pregnancy for me would not last without intervention. I would at least need an increase in my thyroid medication (it's my deep-down belief that my elevated thyroid levels at the early stages of the pregnancies fully or partly caused the miscarriages).
I don't know if I'll ever even want to try to get pregnant again. Right now, that feels like a million miles away. I'm so glad not to be in the middle of all that anymore, to feel in control and like I can trust my body again right now. When Shannon and I have discussed expanding our family, he's said he doesn't want to foster/adopt any more babies. He said if we're going to have a baby, it's going to be biological. I can't believe he would ever want to go back there again. Either he didn't think it was that bad or maybe I never let on to how bad it was for me... It feels like that time had a huge black cloud over it and I couldn't even think straight, but now it's lifted.
I had dinner with a good friend recently and she said she pictures us having a biological child one day. That surprised me. I don't know where I'll be with it in the future, but I know it would still be awhile before I could revisit that. Really, my ideal would be for Sweet Pea's bio mom to have another baby and we could adopt it. (Yes, I know how awful that sounds to wish for her to have another child taken away. That's hardly my dream, but it is realistic. Sweet Pea was already the fifth child taken away and rights terminated on. And I would love for her to have a biological sibling too.) Shannon had said he didn't like the idea of that, but when our new adoption case manager from our agency was out recently, he asked her many questions about what would happen if bio mom did have another baby-- would we be contacted? what if we were inactive/not licensed at the time? So we'll see what the future holds.
I just can't imagine Sweet Pea being the only baby we ever have...
Thursday, September 15, 2011
15 months
Dear Sweet Pea,
Today is your 15th month birthday and you're doing so many fun, new things these days. I feel so lucky to have you in our lives and just wanted to make sure we can remember these special days. Here are just a few of the things I absolutely love about you lately:
• You want to walk everywhere, but don’t trust yourself yet to stand or take steps on your own. You just learned to walk holding on with only one hand and think this is the greatest trick ever and will do this all day if someone will walk with you. You smile and laugh and look so proud of yourself.
• You are willing to try so many new foods now and are eating “grown-up” food so much more too. You even ate bratwurst and sauerkraut for dinner the other night and loved it! (We’ll make you a German after all!)
• After coming to us with your head shaved and practically no hair, it has finally really grown in. Comments about your thick, long hair are the most often things we hear from passing strangers these days.
• Since you’ve been watching me exercising at home lately, now when it says the word “exercise” in one of your favorite books, you clap and smile at me. Thanks for the encouragement!
• You wave hi and bye consistently now. When you see me with my work bag and starting to gather my things together, you start waving bye-bye whether it’s time for me to leave yet or not.
• You can say “dada”, “mama” and “nana” and imitate other sounds, but can be heard saying “dada” most often these days, even when Daddy is nowhere nearby.
• You can answer yes or no now. You nod your head and say “yeah yeah” when you really like something.
• You love to take every single toy out of your toy bin and are finally learning how to put things back in to containers now.
• You are learning to blow kisses, but most often just hold your hand up to your mouth and that’s it.
• You will give us kisses when we ask for them sometimes now. You’re most likely to decide to do it if one person is holding you and they tell you to kiss someone else. You’ll still kiss any stuffed animal or really anything soft anytime.
• You love to play in your crib most times after you wake up in the morning or after a nap. I can often hear you babbling away and turning on your musical mirror. Once I go in to get you, you still usually don’t want to get up, but want to show me all your cuteness like jumping in your crib and pulling down your snuggly blanket.
• You like to spin in a circle while sitting down, pushing yourself around with your leg.
• When you are in a cranky mood and can’t seem to be soothed by anything else, the thing that always works is to put you in your Jump-a-Roo. You jump and laugh and finally calm yourself down. You love it so much that you often happily fall asleep in there.
• You’ve learned how to push buttons on your toys to turn them on and look so very proud of yourself when you do, looking up to make sure we’re watching what a big girl you are.
• In the past couple of days you figured out how to unroll an entire roll of toilet paper, learned how to undo your diaper and are refusing to go to sleep without a fight.
• You love to push many of your toys all around the house, “walking” behind it on your knees.
• You absolutely love our cat Gracie, but do not understand how to be calm and quiet around her. Interactions between the two of you usually end with Gracie hissing and trying to hide from you while you scream and chase her until we have to intervene and rescue the cat.
• You have just learned to point and will finally look at whatever we’re pointing at for you. You love to take our fingers and make us point at things for you.
• You are learning about body parts and especially love noses and belly buttons.
• You are starting to really pay attention to what’s on TV. You really seem to like Dora and Elmo.
• You still love music and will dance spontaneously when you hear something you like.
We love you so much and can't wait to see what's next! Happy 15 months Sweet Pea!!!
Today is your 15th month birthday and you're doing so many fun, new things these days. I feel so lucky to have you in our lives and just wanted to make sure we can remember these special days. Here are just a few of the things I absolutely love about you lately:
• You want to walk everywhere, but don’t trust yourself yet to stand or take steps on your own. You just learned to walk holding on with only one hand and think this is the greatest trick ever and will do this all day if someone will walk with you. You smile and laugh and look so proud of yourself.
• You are willing to try so many new foods now and are eating “grown-up” food so much more too. You even ate bratwurst and sauerkraut for dinner the other night and loved it! (We’ll make you a German after all!)
• After coming to us with your head shaved and practically no hair, it has finally really grown in. Comments about your thick, long hair are the most often things we hear from passing strangers these days.
• Since you’ve been watching me exercising at home lately, now when it says the word “exercise” in one of your favorite books, you clap and smile at me. Thanks for the encouragement!
• You wave hi and bye consistently now. When you see me with my work bag and starting to gather my things together, you start waving bye-bye whether it’s time for me to leave yet or not.
• You can say “dada”, “mama” and “nana” and imitate other sounds, but can be heard saying “dada” most often these days, even when Daddy is nowhere nearby.
• You can answer yes or no now. You nod your head and say “yeah yeah” when you really like something.
• You love to take every single toy out of your toy bin and are finally learning how to put things back in to containers now.
• You are learning to blow kisses, but most often just hold your hand up to your mouth and that’s it.
• You will give us kisses when we ask for them sometimes now. You’re most likely to decide to do it if one person is holding you and they tell you to kiss someone else. You’ll still kiss any stuffed animal or really anything soft anytime.
• You love to play in your crib most times after you wake up in the morning or after a nap. I can often hear you babbling away and turning on your musical mirror. Once I go in to get you, you still usually don’t want to get up, but want to show me all your cuteness like jumping in your crib and pulling down your snuggly blanket.
• You like to spin in a circle while sitting down, pushing yourself around with your leg.
• When you are in a cranky mood and can’t seem to be soothed by anything else, the thing that always works is to put you in your Jump-a-Roo. You jump and laugh and finally calm yourself down. You love it so much that you often happily fall asleep in there.
• You’ve learned how to push buttons on your toys to turn them on and look so very proud of yourself when you do, looking up to make sure we’re watching what a big girl you are.
• In the past couple of days you figured out how to unroll an entire roll of toilet paper, learned how to undo your diaper and are refusing to go to sleep without a fight.
• You love to push many of your toys all around the house, “walking” behind it on your knees.
• You absolutely love our cat Gracie, but do not understand how to be calm and quiet around her. Interactions between the two of you usually end with Gracie hissing and trying to hide from you while you scream and chase her until we have to intervene and rescue the cat.
• You have just learned to point and will finally look at whatever we’re pointing at for you. You love to take our fingers and make us point at things for you.
• You are learning about body parts and especially love noses and belly buttons.
• You are starting to really pay attention to what’s on TV. You really seem to like Dora and Elmo.
• You still love music and will dance spontaneously when you hear something you like.
We love you so much and can't wait to see what's next! Happy 15 months Sweet Pea!!!
Monday, September 12, 2011
Little moments
I was talking to someone I just met yesterday and she asked me if we have kids. I immediately, without even thinking, responded "yes". This is the first time this has happened and the magnitude of the moment was not lost on me. I have been telling people about Sweet Pea for months, explaining how we're fostering to adopt. But now this shift has occured, now she feels like our daughter, not just a sweet little baby they've given us to care for.
Tonight before bed, we had a sweet moment together. I had quiet lullaby music on to calm her down before giving her bedtime bottle and decided we should dance. She laughed and smiled at me as we spun around. Then she lay her head on my shoulder and started patting my back just like I would pat hers to help her fall asleep. Such a sweet girl, such a little miracle... My daughter.
Tonight before bed, we had a sweet moment together. I had quiet lullaby music on to calm her down before giving her bedtime bottle and decided we should dance. She laughed and smiled at me as we spun around. Then she lay her head on my shoulder and started patting my back just like I would pat hers to help her fall asleep. Such a sweet girl, such a little miracle... My daughter.
Friday, September 9, 2011
What a difference a year makes
I was driving in my car alone the other day and got all the way out of my neighborhood before I realized that I was singing along to kids music without even having Sweet Pea in the car...
Last night, I went out to dinner with a friend so Shannon was home alone with Sweet Pea. They watched the football game together and he said she absolutely loved it. She crawled around in circles when they were running on the field and clapped when she could here them cheering. The cutest thing was she kept hearing the commentator say her name, so she kept smiling and pointing at the TV.
A year ago, we would not have had these sweet little experiences. I'm so very grateful for all she has brought in our lives :)
Last night, I went out to dinner with a friend so Shannon was home alone with Sweet Pea. They watched the football game together and he said she absolutely loved it. She crawled around in circles when they were running on the field and clapped when she could here them cheering. The cutest thing was she kept hearing the commentator say her name, so she kept smiling and pointing at the TV.
A year ago, we would not have had these sweet little experiences. I'm so very grateful for all she has brought in our lives :)
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Finally... an update
Wow, it has been way too long since I last posted. I guess it's just a sign that we've been super busy and things have been going pretty smoothly, so I haven't needed this outlet so much. Having Sweet Pea's biological parents' right terminated was such a huge relief for us and there has been such a shift in attitude and a peace that has come too. We know that very little if anything could take her away from us now. We are still looking forward to the actual adoption, but really it's only a matter of time. It will be very special I know, but she already is such a part of us, such an integral part of our family that I couldn't imagine us without her.
Sweet Pea turned 14 months old recently, then we had the 7 month anniversary of when she came to live with us. Now that means that she has been with us for over half her life and that is such a good feeling. All the struggles she experienced before she was with us are in the past now and we can just look forward to our forever future together.
Her personality is continuing to grow and come out too. She definitely has her own opinion on things and makes it very well known. My mom (who spends a great deal of time with Sweet Pea) has already bought us a book about the strong-willed child for when we're ready. She is getting really close to walking now. Just a couple of days ago, we discovered she can walk holding on with just one hand and now this is all she wants to do all the time. I know she physically could stand on her own and even probably take a couple of steps on her own now too, but she still doesn't trust herself yet. If you let her go, she simply sits down and cries for you to stand her right back up again.
I started a new contract job a few weeks ago. It's been going well overall, but definitely overwhelming at first and I'm still figuring out how to balance it all (which I imagine I always will be trying to figure out.) I ideally would like to work 2-3 days a week, but it's been more like 4+ here at first. We are so very lucky to have my mom to take care of Sweet Pea while I'm working. They are so bonded to one another too that she even prefers her Nana over myself or Shannon sometimes. With this new job, I decided it was time for me to stop keeping my friend's baby every day too. It was a difficult decision and one we discussed quite a bit. We do miss him, but I really do think it's for the best. It's been freeing for us that we can go more places and do more things with just one baby now. I'd never imagined how difficult it would be to get out of the house with two one-year-olds. I used to think I wanted to be a stay at home mom or even run a daycare out of my home, but these past several months showed me that's not the best fit for me. I think our arrangement now hopefully will be ideal once I can settle into a more set schedule. Getting to work outside the home and getting to stay home some too has been a good fit for me so far.
As far as the adoption, we still waiting to hear what our next step is. Sweet Pea has a new adoption caseworker from CPS and we have another case manager from our agency who will help us with the adoption. We chose an adoption attorney and filled out all our paperwork from him. We were at a standstill with him about a week ago because he couldn't file our paperwork until we chose a new middle name for Sweet Pea. We will be keeping her same first name, but changing the middle and last names. I never imagined it would be so hard to chose just a middle name, but it took us quite a while to settle on. We finally did, so now our adoption paperwork should have been filed with the court, whatever that means. Everyone keeps saying it should just take a couple of months, but it's hard too know when it will finally be completed. I can't wait to finally be able to introduce her publicly and show pictures of her on here. Soon enough, I hope I hope...
Sweet Pea turned 14 months old recently, then we had the 7 month anniversary of when she came to live with us. Now that means that she has been with us for over half her life and that is such a good feeling. All the struggles she experienced before she was with us are in the past now and we can just look forward to our forever future together.
Her personality is continuing to grow and come out too. She definitely has her own opinion on things and makes it very well known. My mom (who spends a great deal of time with Sweet Pea) has already bought us a book about the strong-willed child for when we're ready. She is getting really close to walking now. Just a couple of days ago, we discovered she can walk holding on with just one hand and now this is all she wants to do all the time. I know she physically could stand on her own and even probably take a couple of steps on her own now too, but she still doesn't trust herself yet. If you let her go, she simply sits down and cries for you to stand her right back up again.
I started a new contract job a few weeks ago. It's been going well overall, but definitely overwhelming at first and I'm still figuring out how to balance it all (which I imagine I always will be trying to figure out.) I ideally would like to work 2-3 days a week, but it's been more like 4+ here at first. We are so very lucky to have my mom to take care of Sweet Pea while I'm working. They are so bonded to one another too that she even prefers her Nana over myself or Shannon sometimes. With this new job, I decided it was time for me to stop keeping my friend's baby every day too. It was a difficult decision and one we discussed quite a bit. We do miss him, but I really do think it's for the best. It's been freeing for us that we can go more places and do more things with just one baby now. I'd never imagined how difficult it would be to get out of the house with two one-year-olds. I used to think I wanted to be a stay at home mom or even run a daycare out of my home, but these past several months showed me that's not the best fit for me. I think our arrangement now hopefully will be ideal once I can settle into a more set schedule. Getting to work outside the home and getting to stay home some too has been a good fit for me so far.
As far as the adoption, we still waiting to hear what our next step is. Sweet Pea has a new adoption caseworker from CPS and we have another case manager from our agency who will help us with the adoption. We chose an adoption attorney and filled out all our paperwork from him. We were at a standstill with him about a week ago because he couldn't file our paperwork until we chose a new middle name for Sweet Pea. We will be keeping her same first name, but changing the middle and last names. I never imagined it would be so hard to chose just a middle name, but it took us quite a while to settle on. We finally did, so now our adoption paperwork should have been filed with the court, whatever that means. Everyone keeps saying it should just take a couple of months, but it's hard too know when it will finally be completed. I can't wait to finally be able to introduce her publicly and show pictures of her on here. Soon enough, I hope I hope...
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