Sleep has been an issue in our house for quite a while. I remember when I spoke on the phone with the woman who ran the group foster home where Payton was placed before coming to us and she told me what a great baby she was and how she sleeps through the night. She didn't always sleep through the night with us, but she was able to put herself to sleep when she was a little baby. I can only imagine that was from being more alone in the NICU or the group foster home. But then she was our little baby and we wanted to nurture her and help her attach to us. And boy, did she attach. She got to the point where she couldn't even begin to get to sleep if we weren't right there- feeding her, rocking her, bouncing her, whatever worked. Once she started crawling and pulling up to stand, she stopped being able to put herself to sleep anymore. All she wanted to do once you put her in her crib was to practice her new skills. I remember her standing there, gripping on to her crib, not knowing how to let go and lay herself back down. So I'd pick her up and rock her to sleep.
I know we taught her these bad habits. Even after working with so many little ones through the years, we did all these things I swore I would never do with my own child. We always let her fall asleep in our arms on the couch, then moved her to bed once she was really asleep. When she cried in the middle of the night, I always got up with her and gave her a bottle (or sippy cup of her yummy, full of calories Pediasure) to help her fall back asleep. In our defense on that one, at some points our pediatrician was so worried about her low weight that she thought of having us wake her up just to feed her in the middle of the night, so it seemed like we had to get up with her every time she cried. We rocked her and bounced her and let her fall asleep in her jump-a-roo instead of her soothing herself to sleep.
And it was getting bad. She was taking forever to fall asleep on the couch in our arms lately and you just knew she was exhausted but manipulating you however she could to stay up. She was getting up multiple times in the night and just when you thought she was asleep and carrying her back to her bed, she was groggily lift her head and say "Living room. Back to couch." And you'd have to do it all over again and again until she finally stayed asleep once she lay her in bed. And you breathed a sigh of relief, but by that point you were wide awake and so frustrated with the situation.
We've talked for months about making big changes to Payton's bedtime routine and always backed down when the time came. But finally this week, we decided she was ready. Or maybe I should say we were ready. Whatever the case, we finally did it. We stopped holding her to fall asleep. We're still reading books together and drinking her cup on the couch, but then she goes to her bed by herself. We have her put her cup and books away herself and walk to her room to help give her a sense of control (this is big for our strong-willed little one). We say goodnight to everything in her room, put her in her crib, tuck her in and leave the room, closing the door behind us. And she cries. But it's working. Now, at 2+ years old, "crying it out" is finally working for us. When we used to try cry it out, she would make herself cough until she threw up in her bed. But we've done it for 3 bedtimes and 2 naptimes now and it's working like a charm. Today at naptime, she did cry/play/sing at the top of her lungs in her bed for about 45 minutes before falling asleep, but she did finally fall asleep on her own. And at bedtime tonight, she cried for less than five minutes before falling asleep! And now that we're closing her door, we don't have to hear every little peep she makes in the middle of the night. Her bedroom is right across from ours and I'm a light sleeper, so we've pretty much always heard her when she wakes up. But since we started this change, we've slept through the night too! I'm sure I could still hear her if she really needed us in the middle of the night, but she's plenty big enough to sleep through the night now.
It's gone so smoothly that I've started to ask myself why we never did this earlier. But then I have to stop and realize we weren't ready earlier and if we'd tried this a couple of months ago, it might have had a terrible response and things could have been even worse. She bigger now and able to handle so much more than I always give her credit for. I'm having to step back now and remind myself often that she's not a baby anymore and she can do so much on her own. Like she doesn't remind me. One of her favorite words is "self" as in, "Payton do it self". She doesn't do anything like a baby now. She feeds herself with her own fork/spoon, she put herself to sleep, she's potty training, she uses words to ask for things instead of crying. Yes, all these things are a work in progress and we still have days where none of these work and she cries and melts down over and over. But really, I'm so very proud of my "big girl".
