Messages

Okay universe, we hear you.  So much recently has been telling us to pursue our idea of adoption.  I talked with my stepsister who worked for CPS for over 10 years and she recommended a certain agency named Pathways.  Then I went to a bachelorette party over the weekend and someone I met there is going through the foster/adopt process at Pathways.  My previous post was about being on a new "path".  So we signed up to go to an information meeting at Pathways last night.  On our drive there, we heard a commercial not once, but twice talking about for this Father's Day, give a child the chance for a forever family through adoption.  Then tonight, I was watching Jeopardy and one of the categories was "Adoption".  Okay, okay, we get the message!

I know you can say we're just more open to noticing these signs, that they were there all along, we're just more aware of them now.  It's like seeing pregnant women all around you after you've had a pregnancy loss.  But for once, these are good, positive signs pointing us in an amazing new direction.

We ended up being the only people attending the informational meeting last night, so we were able to really talk to the woman and ask lots of questions.  And it looks like we will actually pursue this.  Shannon and I both agree this feels right for us.  So now we have to start filling out our application, start collecting the many pieces of information they need from us and sign up for the many hours of classes we'll be required to take.

This feels good and right.  It almost feels like so much of my life has just prepared me for this experience.  All my years of working at the children's shelter, all my grad school, all my counseling experience, all my losses have led us here.  And we are ready to move forward and grow our little family.

I'm not completely putting aside the idea of biological children for now.  I also made an appointment at the fertility doctor for next week to follow-up about our most recent miscarriage and find out what the doctor's proposed plans for our future would be.  But honestly, I'm stilll more excited about the idea of adoption right now than the idea of being pregnant again.  Frankly, the idea of being pregnant is still a little too scary for me.  The idea of doing those shots and whatever else I might have to do and still having the chance for another loss.  I'm just now finally starting to feel back to "normal" now.  Not just crazy grieving lady anymore.  Not sure I want to open myself up to going back there anytime soon.  Maybe we were just meant to adopt first before before having a successful pregnancy.  And maybe, just maybe, we just weren't meant to be able to have biological children.  And maybe that would be okay.

A New Path

We are starting to explore the idea of adoption more and more.  We met with a couple last night who have adopted both internationally and domestically.  She runs a local adoption ministry, helping to link people up with various resources.  It was just good to hear her story and her advice, good to not feel so alone in this.  It can all feel so overwhelming-- there are so many options and ways to pursue.  I just wish I could fast-forward time to know how it all works for us and have the answers be more clear.  But I am beginning to feel a peace with the idea of a new journey beginning.  I'm not ready to give up the idea of biological children altogether yet, but this is the first time that I've started to feel okay with the idea of maybe not pursuing that anymore.  Maybe this adoption path is the way we are meant to go after all...