Hope

I've gone against my better judgement and let myself slip into hope, let it rise up above my patience.  I'm 14 DPO and starting to wonder if this could actually be our month.  My temp was still plenty high this morning, so that could be a good sign.  That's really what's led me to actually let myself start to dream.  All through the 2 week wait, I try to busy myself with other things and try not stress and wonder at each little symptom.  I've been through so many months of over-analyzing every twinge and feeling I might have only to be completely disappointed when my period shows up right on schedule.  I've learned that pregnancy symptoms and PMS symptoms are virtually identical, so there's really no use in trying to guess one way or another until your period is actually due.

Which brings us to today.  So now I'm letting myself hope.  Letting myself obsess a bit and dream about what could be.  I've had some cramps the past few nights and that is a symptom I remember having in my past pregnancies.  I'm feeling achy, tired and getting a little more out of breath than usual.  Could all be good signs...  If my temp is still up in the morning, I'll take a test.  Then I'll be 15 DPO and it will definitely be clear one way or another.  I would love for this to be our month.  Against all odds, our first month officially back trying again after the blighted ovum.  Don't we deserve a break after all we've been through??  I'm certainly doing all the right things now.  I take my thyroid medication religiously every morning.  And now a baby aspirin and prenatal vitamin each night.  I've been off and on antibiotics for the past couple of weeks-- I wonder if that could have any effect, good or bad.

I mentioned to Shannon this evening that my period was due today, but hadn't come yet.  I saw in his eyes that he started to hope and dream too.  He started counting months and I made him stop-- that's too far in advance for me when we haven't even had a positive test yet.

Either way, only time will tell.  But for now, I'll hold on to hope.