blah day

I'm feeling very blah today.  My allergies have been driving me crazy the past week or so.  I almost never have allergies anymore, but something's really getting me lately.  It's getting to the point now where it's turning worse than allergies-- a sinus infection or bronchitis or something.  I feel alright during the day with plenty of meds, but it's hard to sleep at night with all the coughing, etc.  I had the same thing when we went on our big vacation last fall to Los Angeles/Costa Rica.  Now I'm wishing I could just walk in to that pharmacia by the beach in Costa Rica and get some antibiotics without having to go to the doctor...

The sun never came out today.  That always seems to wear on me.  It was just me and the babies inside alone all day.  So blah.  When I'm feeling this way, all the old fears and insecurities start creeping their way back in.  I'm not good enough.  I let everyone down.  I need to take better care of myself. Of course now there's some new ones thrown in the mix now too.  I've given too much of myself, my heart to Sweet Pea.  She's could be taken away and I'll be left all alone again.  They're irrational thoughts, I know, but on days like this they find their way back into my head and wear me down even more.

So instead of giving in to these negative self-doubts, I go for a walk.  I load the babies up into the double stroller, turn on my ipod and push myself out of my funk.  Getting out feels good.  Neighbors driving by wave hello.  People out in their yards look adoringly at the two little babies with me.  Sweet Pea smiles at me.  Cash babbles happily away.  When we get home, Shannon is standing in the driveway waiting to greet us with a big smile.  Life is as it should be.