Big day

Yesterday was a big day for me.  I started my period and thus, officially decided it was time to stop trying to get pregnant and focus solely on adoption.  I called my ob-gyn's office to schedule a time to come in for the Depo Provera shot.  Then picked it up at the Target pharmacy (no co-pay! This is the only *free* birth control I've ever been on).  Took it to the doctor's office and had them inject it in me.  I purposely made my appointment for right after lunch because I knew it wouldn't be too busy and full of pregnant women then.  I saw one or two, but thankfully nothing traumatic about this visit.

When I was at Target, I also bought gifts for a baby shower I'm going to this weekend.  I actually went through the baby aisles without breaking down or having to run away, actually enjoyed picking out the sweet little items for this baby boy.  Okay, I'll admit I did have to avoid an aisle with a new mother and her newborn because that was just TOO much.  But overall, it was a pretty pleasant experience.

Going to this baby shower is a big deal for me too.  This is the baby that is due 10 days after my 3rd pregnancy would have been.  I have been pregnant twice and lost two babies since this little one started growing in his mother.  Needless to say, I have avoided hanging out with these friends over the past several months.  I am clearly happy for them.  She had a miscarriage several years ago too, so I know what am amazing blessing this baby is for them.  But my pain was too much to be able to share in their joy.  I'm glad I'm finally starting to feel better and will be able to go to the baby shower this weekend to celebrate their little miracle.

So, yesterday was a pretty huge day for me.  I was able to take these steps out on my new journey.  And I did it all without feeling like I was going to have a panic attack and without breaking down crying.  I'll admit I did have a few tears in my eyes as I drove away from the ob-gyn's office.  After all, I'm only human.  But I made it.  And that feels good in a way I didn't know existed a few months ago.

Shannon sent me a text this morning that read:  "I'm proud of all the hurdles you accomplished yesterday my love.  I've always known you were strong.  I love you."  Completely made my day.  What a man, what a man  :)