Positive

Oh my goodness. You are not going to believe my news.

I. Am. Pregnant.

This is completely unexpected and unplanned. After all our years of trying and struggling and now whoops, here we are. I'm still in complete shock.

If you remember, I stopped taking the Depo this summer after the doctor discovered bone loss. Since then, I've been weighing my options and trying to decide our best plan. I recently decided I would just go ahead and get on a birth control pill and wait until my annual exam in June to discuss it all with my doctor. I was thinking of maybe trying one more time to get pregnant, maybe starting in the fall after going to some sort of specialist to make sure everything was good. And even that was still a big maybe in my mind. Either way, I had called the doctor last week to get a new birth control prescription (which in and of itself was difficult since I was diagnosed with that blood clotting disorder and can't take anything with estrogen.) I picked up the prescription and waited for my period to come to start it. And it never came. Unbelievable.

I know that since I wasn't technically on birth control, there was always a slight chance I could get pregnant. But we were careful. I know when I ovulate and tried to avoid intercourse then. This month we did it one time anywhere near ovulation and it was the day after, so I figured we were good. Surprise!

I started to get suspicious earlier this week when my period was late and I'm never late. But I told myself I was crazy and ignored it. I had some slight spotting and cramping on Monday night, so I took an Aleve, put on a pad and assumed it would come while I was sleeping. But it didn't. By Wednesday I was really suspicious. I told Shannon and went to buy a test that night after Payton went to sleep (I just couldn't buy one at the store earlier that day because I had no idea how I would answer Payton's questions.) I bought a pack with two tests and impulsively took one immediately. I must have done it wrong in my nervousness because the control line never showed so I had to just throw that one away. I made myself calm down and wait until the next morning since I knew it's always better with first morning urine anyway. I slept until 3:30 and woke up very aware that my period still had not come. I tried to go back to sleep, but finally gave in at 4am and took the test. Slowly and faintly, that plus sign started to emerge. I could hardly believe it. I didn't sleep anymore that night, but waited until Shannon's alarm went off at 6 to tell him. In the meantime, I got online and read up on my conditions that may have affected my previous pregnancies and tried to determine my plan of action.

Even as unexpected and unplanned as this is, it is certainly welcome. It's like nature said don't worry about all that trying this time, we got it under control. This has been my dream. Well, actually my dream has been to suddenly find out I'm already 12+ weeks along and everything is fine. So we'll go with it and handle it in stride.

I called my OBGYN as soon as I dropped off Payton at school. I talked to my nurse there (who I love, by the way) and we laughed "So much for that birth control!" She looked at my chart, listened carefully to my history and asked about all the conditions we'd discovered at the fertility doctor (4 years ago!) She talked to my doctor (who I also love) and called me back with the plan. I'm starting Lovenox shots and Progesterone suppositories right away. By chance, I had my thyroid level checked at my family doctor last week and it was slightly elevated. That's a whole other story. I strongly believe my thyroid is to blame for my miscarriages. I've done a lot of researching and reading on the subject and doctors as a whole tend to dismiss thyroid issues. The supposed appropriate thyroid levels are entirely too high. I don't blame my doctor. He can't be a specialist in everything. But knowing what I know, I cannot ignore it. My TSH level last week was 3.5 and the recommendation now is for it to be under 2.5, actually closer to 1 when pregnant and trying to conceive. And just getting pregnant usually causes the level to go up so most women need a 30-50% increase in their medication. I even read in several places where they recommend women automatically increasing their medication themselves once they get a positive pregnancy test. So that's what I did. When I talked to my nurse, she said (as expected) that the doctor wasn't concerned about my thyroid level and didn't see a need for an increase. I respectfully disagreed and insisted on it. And so he increased it :) If I'm going to give myself painful daily injections and vaginal suppositories, I'm certainly going to do everything in my power to save this one.

I'll be referred to a perinatologist, but they have to wait until at least 6 weeks to determine if it is "a viable pregnancy". So I have an ultrasound scheduled with my OBGYN in less than 2 weeks. And I'm okay with that wait. In other pregnancies, I wanted a scan as soon as possible and as often as possible. But I know there would really be nothing to see at this point and nothing I can do anyway. I certainly don't want to lose this baby, but if that were to happen, I know I would live. It doesn't feel so desperate this time around. I know I have Payton and other options. But wouldn't it be amazing if it did work this time?

I went to pick up my new medications this morning. I had to go to a special, New pharmacy since they had to compound the Progesterone and order the Lovenox. I know they're trying to grow their new business, but they completely sold me. The pharmacist was so nice. He went through each medication carefully with me, saying he knew my nurse had said I'd taken some of these but he knew it was years ago. He told me about his wife's miscarriages and that she goes to my OBGYN and loves him too. He encouraged me to call with any questions and made sure I knew how to contact him after hours if I ever needed to.

Then I went to my OBGYN's office so my nurse could give me a refresher on the injections. She totally didn't have to go out of her way like this and I was touched by her kindness. She also gave me a ton of samples of prenatal vitamins since it's been years since I've been on them.

All in all, it's been a positive experience so far. I have to say I'm cautiously optimistic. Still in shock, but hopeful. Maybe this is how it was supposed to be all along.