Waiting

This waiting and wondering is hard.  I'm not good with unknowns and surprises.  We're still waiting for our case manager to write up our homestudy and have it approved so we can be officially licensed.  Then the real waiting will begin.  But this inbetween time is tough too.

I took my mom to a behavior intervention training class at Pathways (our foster/adopt agency) last night.  We are taking the steps to get my mom certified as a "frequent babysitter" for our future kiddos.  It's great that she's been so supportive all this time.  But she definitely had her eyes opened a bit more last night.  The instructor was talking about what kinds of behaviors we might expect in these kids we will get who have been abused/neglected.  At the first break, my mom admitted to me that she had not even really considered these things and was feeling like she wouldn't know how to take care of them.  By the end, she seemed to be feeling much better.  The instructor had talked about all the things you can do to heal and help these kids, how to help them bond with you and I saw my mom realize she already does those things naturally.  Besides raising my brother and I, she has worked with little kids off and on for much of her life.  She's already kind and nurturing and patient.  It's great to know she's there with us along this journey.

It felt good to go back to Pathways again.  In this inbetween waiting time, I start to feel disconnected from the whole process.  Like they're going to forget about us.  Like we'll never get kids even after all we've done and been through.  But being there again reminds me why we're doing all this and gives me hope (albeit with a little fear of the unknown) for our future.  Our home could be "open" by the end of this month and we could have kids so soon.  Amazing.