Worries

Tomorrow I'll be taking Payton in to have a minor surgical procedure to have the tube in her right ear removed. The one in her left ear worked its way out enough that the doctor was able to remove it in his office during a regular appointment months ago. But this one is stubbornly crusted on to her eardrum and it's time for it to come out. I know it's just a relatively minor procedure, but it will be at an actual surgical center and she'll be (lightly) anesthetized for a short time. I know it won't be any more or worse than when she had the tubes put in, but this time it feels so different. Last time, she had just been placed with us for a week before the surgery. I won't lie, we were already in love with her by that time, but she was still our foster baby then. I was still guarding my heart from bonding too much with her. We were still in the fog of having a new baby in our home 24/7 and being first-time parents. All the prep work had been done and we just had to show up at the hospital with her that time. This time she is my daughter. I take her to every one of her doctor appointments. She looks to me most for comfort and security. She only knows me as her mommy and I want to protect her from everything I can. So I can't help but act like an overprotective mommy because that is what she needs from me. I'm worried about her not being able to eat after midnight and being hungry and fussy in the morning. I'm worried about having to get myself and her up so early in the morning to check in at 7am. I'm worried about the almost hour drive (maybe longer depending on traffic) with this fussy child who doesn't really like long car rides. I'm worried she'll be anxious just being in a hospital setting. That it could trigger some traumatic memories from her infancy. I'm worried about having to leave her when it's time for surgery. Separation anxiety is still big for her and she's still prone to vomiting when she anticipates this. I'm worried about the drive home with a groggy, fussy toddler who still won't want to be in the car for that long. I'll just be glad when it's over tomorrow.