Thankful

Silly mommy. All those worries from yesterday were unfounded. Payton did awesome this morning, a star patient really. I woke her up early early this morning and she sleepily asked, "We're going in the car in the dark?" But then she got dressed and loaded up without any complaints. She was pleasant the entire car ride even though it was still dark, it was raining and we were stuck in traffic for a bit. She bounced into the surgical center all smiles and singing. It was a general surgical center (not a children's hospital like where she'd had the tubes put in 2 1/2 years ago), so she was the only child there most of our time and everyone thought she was just adorable. The woman at the front desk even said she was going to tell her sister who is pregnant she should name her baby Payton just because she was so cute. She waited patiently in the waiting room and in the pre-op room. No trauma from any previous experiences. Since it was just a relatively simple procedure on her ear, they let her keep her regular clothes on. No uncomfortable hospital gown, no IV, nothing scary at all. They brought her crayons and fun coloring sheets. She's been to enough doctor's appointments now that this just seemed to feel like one more regular visit for her, nothing to be concerned about at all. When they were ready, her doctor (who I can't say enough great things about) just casually picked her up and carried her down the hall to the operating room, talking to her calmly and making the whole thing sound like fun. She didn't have to be wheeled on a gurney and hardly had a chance to worry about being separated from me. It seemed like no time at all that we were back out in the waiting room before her doctor called me over to say she'd done great. The longest wait was while she was waking up in recovery before I could get back to see her again. I sat out there remembering how when she'd had the surgery before, we could hear her screaming in the recovery room before we even got back there. But today she was so content, no tears at all. She did have to be just a bit of her strong-willed self and refuse to drink any water in front of the recovery nurse before we could go home. Each time the nurse would step out, she would have a drink, but never in front of her. But still very quiet and calm about the whole thing. Very Payton.

She did start to cry the last 10 minutes or so on the drive home. I know she was starving and sleepy and disoriented and probably a bit nauseous too from the anesthesia and car ride, so I don't blame her at all. But it was the saddest cry. She just kept screaming "Mommy! Mommy!" and wouldn't let my mom do anything to help calm her down at all. (Here I need to interject and say I couldn't thank my mother enough for all she does for us. She also got up way too early this morning to come with us and she is even less of a morning person than I am. My mom loves Payton so dearly and would do anything for her and I appreciate that beyond words.) Payton was whiny and oppositional when we got home, but then we finally convinced her to take some Tylenol and eat a popsicle (or two) and she was back to her usual self. The recovery nurse had told me she might be a little dizzy, so I shouldn't let her walk/run around today. Clearly, she's never spent much time with an active 3-year-old. There was no stopping Payton from happily running through the house once we were home. I did finally convince her to sit on the couch and watch the movie "Up" (which incidentally still makes me cry and is all the more poignant to watch with my sweet daughter. Truly one of the best movies.) And now she's down for a nice, long nap. Success.

There were a few weird moments today when her foster/adopt story came up that I always forget to prepare myself for. When they were having me sign the initial paperwork before the procedure, the woman asked "Is she your biological daughter?" I really think she was innocently asking for documentation purposes, but I had to stop and think for a minute. "No, I'm her adopted mother." And her reply? "Okay, same difference." Yep, that's right it is :)

And then when we were in pre-op and they ask you all the questions about her medical history... Payton has an extensive medical history, but most of it occured in her first few months of life, long before we knew her. Sure, I've read her file and have a good understanding of the important things, but it's uncomfortable when you can't answer questions about your own daughter. What kind of heart surgery did she have when she was a baby? Um, open heart surgery? They fixed a hole (like there couldn't be a million different types of holes in hearts.) I know she was five months old, does that help? Do you want to see the scar?

In some ways, I love that I don't have to know all those terrible details. I love that her precarious beginning doesn't have to define her. I love that I get to share my life with this amazing, healthy, vibrant child whose worst medical ailment these days in her constant runny nose. Seriously, after everything she has been through and all the interventions, her only medication these days is allergy medicine (which isn't really helping, by the way.) And I am so thankful.