Intro

I decided to start this blog as a way to share my story. As a way to help myself heal and grow and express myself. As a way to help others who might have similar experiences. As a place to put all of this sorrow and joy and pain and hope and confusion and every other mixed emotion I've had through all of this.

Here's the short version of my story:

I married my husband Shannon five years ago this May, but we've been together nearly 10 years. I always knew without a doubt I wanted to have kids, but we chose to wait to start trying until we were more secure and settled, until I'd finished grad school, until we'd bought our own home. We officially started trying 2 1/2 years ago and I've had 3 pregnancy losses along the way. My first pregnancy turned out to be ectopic and I had laparoscopic surgery to remove it (but saved the tube) January 2008. My 2nd pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage in November 2008. D&C that time. I just had my 3rd pregnancy loss last month. A blighted ovum this time. Miscarried naturally.

Some days it's too much to even fathom, to even consider all we've been through these past couple of years. Some days I'm just completely overwhelmed with sadness and grief. Most days I try to stay positive and hopeful for the future. I've recently started fertility testing with an RE and will go back for my second round of tests tomorrow morning. It feels good to go there, like we're finally taking a positive step towards having a happy, healthy baby of our own one day.

I found this quote today and it seemed to be such a wonderful way to capture my fertility experience so far.

"We are so often caught up in our destination that we forget to appreciate the journey, especially the goodness of the people we meet on the way. Appreciation is a wonderful feeling, don't overlook it."
Author Unknown

So here I go in taking another step in the journey and trying to appreciate what I have along the way. Thanks for listening.