I just found out that my sister-in-law's due date is September 7th. This is the exact date that our first baby should have been due. The first baby that brought so much hope, that was such a fighter but turned out to be ectopic so couldn't live. Could this really be that much of a coincidence? What lesson am I supposed to take away from this? Just when I'm feeling so good and at peace with all my losses, this brings it all back up again. I feel like all the losses just led us to Payton, to our sweet daughter who I am so very thankful for. But the pain is still hidden in there too.
I came home the other day and my sister-in-law was unexpectedly here visiting. I went to my closet to get her all my pregnancy books. And wham! There were all kinds of pregnancy memoribilia in this box with the books. I was hit with sonogram pictures and sympathy cards. I saw all my pregnancy journals, one for each baby, mostly unfinished but staring me in the face...
Apparently all my grieving is not finished.
2 comments:
So sorry, Jenny. Hugs to you. I get it, even though it is something you think should not make sense as much anymore. 11/11 still holds a place in my heart as 9/7 and others do for you. Not sure what else to say but just wanted to let you know I hear you.
It's so hard. It's also part of the reason I am off of FB! Our living "rainbow babies" can't take the place of the babies we lost, and realistically they shouldn't be expected to.
I am, however, thankful for both of our ectopics, if only because they are what caused us to become friends!
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